Stand a little taller

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

got back real late from dinner yesterday with the tk girls.
colette yueshan and maya.
all of us were talking about how difficult it is to adjust.
anyway it was a really comforting moment(:
away from all the politics of mj.

let's just say this:
i am not a school person.
school only ruins me each time.

ewf mended what tk did to me,
and mj is now ruining what ewf mended.
i was never completely happy in school like how i was at work,
and i guess that is because i hated studying.

i dont understand why we have to study,
when in the first place i dont think my career will require that much studying.
plus studying makes you spend money instead of earning money while being happy.

a taxi driver once told me that women spent around the whole of their lives up to around 22/23 years
of their lives studying,
then after that find job and work for a few years alr then get married.
after getting married have children then become housewife in the end.

SO IN SHORT. WE STUDY FOR SO MANY YEARS JUST FOR THAT FEW YEARS OF A CAREER?!
which kind of explains why singapore women are marrying at later ages, to make worth the long years of studying.
now, it is a backwash effect in the end right?

i know many children in rural areas want to obtain an education and all,
and that is why adults here tell us to learn to be contented and feel blessed.
however,
i think it is absolutely beautiful how their pace of life allows many of them to be so genuinely happy.

they may have to go about with the same usual cycle everyday,
they may not have technology, shopping malls or good food etc.
but they take gratitude in the simplest things in life and that in itself is able to make them feel happy.
you dont see them worrying about bitchiness of the judgemental society or anything.

having that said, i still dont think i can survive in the rural areas HAHAHA.
but as the saying goes, we always want to have something we cant have.

-

sometimes it feels like im languishing,
helpless in the continuous attempt to prevent myself from being sucked into the abyss of the past.
i know what it feels like to lose myself.
and there isnt anything to anchor me down at the moment.

but. i wont get defeated.
people in mj are scary, but that doesnt mean i am going to escape anything.
i will face up to these politics bravely and go "screw you" in the face.
YOU THINK YOU ALL GOT THE RIGHT TO JUDGE HUH HUH HUH.
JUDGE YOURSELF FIRST LA.
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYONE UNLESS YOU KNOW THE PERSON WELL ENOUGH.
what goes around comes around, WATCH OUT.

Okay im angsty because i am scared so i try to act all brave but i know in the end im still gonna be scared
HAHAHAHHAHA I AM FREAKING RETARDED.