C'est La Vie: 17?

note: this is going to be a naggy post on my inner thoughts, below the whole portion are the pictures!whoo.

Time has been passing really fast.
today is the last day of being 16, and i guess i have mixed emotions about it.

I DONT WANT TO GET OLD.
i mean, the perks of being young obviously outweigh being all old and wrinkly.
plus, with the incentive of being young,
you can get away with being all crazy high and being ridiculously retarded.
if you are old and you act all playful...it is just weird right?

i dont think i will ever stop being playful.
it is fun.
haha.

but on the other hand, i am only looking forward to being 17 because of tmr.
a whole night of partying with those beautiful people who owns a large part of my life.
everyone is looking forward to it and there's this nagging feeling lingering at the back of my mind
that it will be over pretty fast and i no longer have anything to look forward to after that.

-

mj life has been pretty awesome.
and i am super lucky to have met all the awesome people there.
i love my class and how they make school life so much fun-er!

-

sometimes it feels pretty distressing to know how perfect you are.
on the other hand, it makes you all the more imperfect.
i guess somehow no one is perfect, but because youre so perfect,
it makes you imperfect.
does that make sense?
perhaps i just cant stand it how sometimes you are almost NONHUMAN.
HAHAHA. youre unlike any other hmm.

and maybe because youre so different from everything i have expected,
it leaves me hanging in thought and question my doubts.

i am confused. i dont know what i am feeling, as usual haha.
people like me are uncapable of loving romantically, that is what i have deduced.
kristin would probably understand this point,
and that's why we have turned to each other and decided to be in a relationship.
HAHAHAHAH OKAY I AM KIDDING.
yk i love you<3
oh colette dont worry i love you too ex(;
and to all my other girlfriends.... HAHAHAH.

okay but anyway, idk if because this is a first time, that is why i am mixing everything up.
i dont know do these feelings see you as a good friend or like yk...
sometimes this irks me so much i feel like tearing myself apart at the seams.

one moment it would be all "i can soooo do without you i doubt i truly like you and all that matters is really just having fun in life with my girlfriends",
and the next i would want to see you or your replies.
when you are around i cant see anyone else.
but yet i tend to pretend i dont care.
that i cant be bothered that you are within my proximity,
that i cant be bothered if i am hurting you with my words and actions.
so whenever youre around i transform. i transform into a selfish violent bitch.
maybe this is slightly exaggerated, but the idea is there.

i think your current soul is so beautiful and unscathed that when i hth with you,
i feel like a freaking blemish.
though i guess i am really cheerful and happy now,
but sometimes certain emotions that come across from time to time,
it feels like i cant tell you because it will ruin everything.
like how these slightest things can really tell us apart,
how you will be white, and how i will be black.

as for X, X is everything.
and i have no reason to be in disbelief at the thought of it.
because seriously, why would it be me.

and all in all, i guess i am just really afraid of losing you.
it struck me as i was reading someone's blog and she was talking about drifting.

there are some people whom i know i will always have, and i can count on them like 123.
but there are the others where everything is so uncertain,
and i dont bear to tell them like "hey when we are 50 we can blah blah blah"
because most of the time we will never last that far.

yk in the past how you used to tell me " twenty years down the road i will tell you"?
in a way i knew that was telling me you hoped we could last that far, or perhaps even like a bribe.
but i didnt tell you that deep inside i knew i wouldnt ever get to know whatever you had to tell me.

i dont like how people dont mean what they say sometimes.
how words are just a momentary thing now, and as though they dont even hold any substantial value.

i hate it how people talk about serious plans that never happen subsequently.
because it gets me excited and really happy, considering how i get happy at the simplest of things.
so when it never comes true, it really hits hard.

and yeah it sucks how you are always nice, caring and loving towards everyone.
you and your beliefs.
okay can.

whoosh finally i got it all out. marking the end of 16(:

pictures!

sentosa for maya's birthday: