Images

yueshan is currently at my house playing games with my brother so...
i am going to blog HAHA.

we are going to pulau ubin tmr for geog trip,
and then sat sun mon will be the leadership camp.
it is really time to start planning everything properly.

today has been really fun and enlightening!

firstly i realised my reputation is bad.
okay i dont know how bad is the extent of it,
but hopefully still salvage-able.

secondly i realised the bad boys who seem unserious about everything
are actually really kind and gentlemanly.
and that the ones who come across as true gentlemens who are perfect,
might actually feel fake in comparison.

today the words and actions of two guy classmates has really...enlightened me.
i will say i am surprised.

anyway here is the fun part!

me, hx, chelsea, junsheng, joshua went over to jonan's house to do pw.
joshua and jonan were supposed to... idk study tgt while we do our pw?
so anyway i was being really distracted by tom&jerry and scooby doo cartoons HAHAH
I CANT STOP WATCHING!
love childhood memories.

my mother said as a child i was very easy to look after.
basically i only eat+sleep.
you know how parents always cant leave their kids alone cause they will climb and everything?

......BUT I AM THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE HAHA.

my mother said her friends were always saying how i am so easy to look after
because all i do is stone, eat, sleep.
#pig

my mother can leave me in front of the tv on the sofa and when she come back hours later,
i will still be in the same exact position HAHAHA.
i wont ever climb around one heh.

-

k back to topic.
so we did work but later on decided to sleep.
jonan chelsea junsheng were sleeping in jonan's room while
me hx and joshua took up one sofa each outside.

joshua was saying before he slept my voice was the last he heard.
during his sleep he heard my voice.
after he woke my voice was the first he heard.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

anw i fell deep asleep and i woke up to the sight of joshua's butt.
(though it was 2-3 meters away but still.....)

then i couldnt sleep after that.
and when i opened my eyes again,
joshua was awake too then we muttered some stuff to each other( i cant rmb what rubbish we said while being half awake) and then we slept again.
and i woke to see huixuan awake too and we were whispering loudly across to each other,
and woke joshua up HAHA.

then we went in to see our friends sleeping cutely in the room HAHA.
so joshua was about to do um..(hx you know what right HAHAHA) and i was playing jonan's guitar.

halfway through we heard the main door unlocking.
we thought it was jonan's parents coming back!
so we freak and all ran inside the room. i was running with the hugeass guitar HAHA.
HAHAHAHAHAH IT WAS AN EPIC MOMENT.
in the end only jonan's bro la.
the living room looked like a war zone sia.

anw shoutout to jonan's stuff toy pig:
thanks for being my sleeping partner.
though i threw you around to hit people and i nearly pulled your limbs out in my quest to snatch you back,
but i still think you v cute okay.
yay<3

Emotion-ful weekend

There is GP exam on monday and because i feel guilty for not studying,
i decided to blog instead.
i mean come on! blogging is about english too!
my english improved because i blogged back then/ read your blog.
plus you used really good english to mar me with your words so
they pretty much were engraved in my memory.
and i ironically used them in my compos. HAHA.
so.. thank you to you?

anyway i know people hate reading wordy posts i hate them too,
but this post is going to be really... emotionful HAHA.
get ready for the rollercoaster ride because im going to sound like a siao zhabor on moodswing.

anw on whatsapp just now i was telling huixuan that i am going to blog= talk to myself.
but i will always end up sounding emo/retarded.
and she asked what other choices do i actually have HAHA.
i answered "a choice to sound normal!"
but to be truthful...

I DONT KNOW HOW TO SOUND NORMAL HAHAHA.

anyway here's a snippet of babyk and mine convo together:

kris: " HAHAHA M3XXXZZZ TOO :'< what to doo"

me: "KISS ME" (tbh idk how i ended up typing that HAHA)

kris: " control yourself TSK HAHAHA"

me: " HAHAHAHA KISS ME BABY KISS ME HHAHAHAHA"

kris: " EH JIAXIN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO ME WHEN WE GET MARRIED. I'M QUITE SCARED NOW HAHAHA"

me: " having regrets..? ): dont worry darling im too innocent to do anything to you!! HAHA"

kris: " HAHAHA JIAXIN DO YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF INNOCENT?!?!( if you dont just look at me) HAHAHA"

me: " .....DID YOU JUST SAY THAT? no i should be the one being scared. apparently my "innocent" fiancee looks like a wild cat. MEOW"

kris: " HAHAAHHA Whoa wild cat? oh man, i'm so sexy(; HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

me: " knock knock. who's there? PLEASE GET OUT OF MY FIANCEE'S BODY"

kris: " HAHAHA YOU SAID IT WHAT HAHAHAHA :'< I mean i never thought about it before you mentioned.. :O HAHAHA"

me: ".... You didnt know you were a sexy beast?!"

kris: " HAHAHA not until now :O"

me: " oh manz. what have you been doing all your life! i mean..shouldnt you be ripping all the pole dancers of their jobs already? HAHAHA"

kris: " HAHAHA WTS JIAXIN. oh my i guess it just never occurred to me how sexy i truly am! but youre right.. i shouldnt be selfish and keep this gift all to myself. HAHAHA. wow my fiancee is so clever <3<3:O"

disclaimer: number of "HAHAHA" significantly reduced for the pleasure of viewing. HAHAHA.

so yes you have just wasted a minute reading our nonsense HAHA.

but this honeypie so sweet.

joshua and her were having a convo through me.

joshua was saying something like:

" i am nowhere as crazy and noisy as the girl who uses this phone la :D"

" HAHA that's my fiancee you're talking about :)"

"yes that is and she is the total opposite of flawless...(etc etc)"

"HAHA heyhey she's beyond flawlessss<3(etc) who's joshua?"

" (etc) hmm the hot guy you saw on sunday evening walking along telok kurau?"

" HAHAHA yeah(: HMM hot guy? the only hot guy i see is jiaxin(; HAHAHA"

then after that joshua cannot tank our sismance alr.

and when i said her texts were so sweet,

she replied " hahahah hey sweetie<3 it's just the truth(: "

GOSH JUST MARRY ME NOW. HAHAHA.

-

anyway for the past few days, it seems like my memory floodgate was pushed wide open,

and nothing could resist or deny all the images from taking its place in my mind.

next up, a flashback to about a month back when you mention how people say what they dont mean.

and i find myself wondering whether you act by what you preach.

do you even mean everything you have said?

all those perfect ideals of yours,

are those just a fantasy offered to me, or just the flawless you?

i have always seen myself as incapable of loving romantically.

as in, i can like someone.

but i wont be able to proclaim that i can ever love the person after that.

because seriously, what is love?

at that young age, everything you gave me was a foreign gift to me.

and like a curious kid,

i embraced this packaging without ever pausing to think that whatever is inside could devastate.

it was a gift, something happy, why would it right?

so i stumbled along the way, and when i really got to revealing the secret behind this gift,

it left me feeling empty to the core.

i wont say it destroyed me, because i got stronger after that.

but it did hurt, and i guess i am never good as new again.

if i didnt love, yet i could hurt that bad, then what would it be like if i loved?

i didnt know how to explain it at that time,

this feeling of not thinking youre my whole world like how you felt i was to you,

yet at the same time knowing you meant a whole lot to me.

i didnt know then, i still dont know now.

it sucks to feel like this really confused mess who cant figure out her own feelings,

because who else can?

i dont ever want to think of myself as someone who gets bored after i obtain whatever i want,

because even though i dont dare to bravely affirm that i know how to love,

but perhaps someone truly special will be the one to change that.

flashback to now, you mentioned that i shouldnt be embarrassed by my past,

because it made me stronger, cheerful, happier etc.

that it is okay to be sad, as long as i pick myself up quickly after that.

you only knew the school life aspect of it, and i guess i could only bear to tell you that part.

you were more of a badass than me i guess,

but somehow we are both not ashamed of the past.

and maybe that is why we are such strong-willed people.

because we experienced, learnt, got better.

we are not vulnerable, overly-protected children who dont know anything.

we had a rough patch, and because of this imperfection,

everything is so much more beautiful because of it.

yk how sometimes the most perfect things on earth are nothing compared to the beautiful little imperfections?

i believe so.

-

i have seen friends all around me disintegrate because of love.

sometimes i can still feel that physical ache there when i see the hurt in their eyes.

there are times they worsen to a point whereby i dont think i will ever get them back.

you see them scrambling, trying to get a stable grip on life.

but it is just an empty shell at the end of the day, the old them was long gone.

i got myself back in the end.

and i dont think i will ruin myself because of you now.

because seriously you know,

i see no need for you in my life.

if i actually meant something, you would be the one doing the chasing.

-

hahaha if people asks for my url, i actually will ignore that part.

because...... I SHY. *blush*

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

no la really.

it feels weird to invite someone to a platform where all your inner feelings are being displayed in plain view.

i really appreciate that friends read my longass posts though HAHA,

because i doubt anyone else will be bothered to be entertained by me hehe.

but when i blog it is basically like talking so it ends up as ranting out everything in one shot to myself here.

so dont ever read my blog in front of me HAHAHAHA i think i will be like

" walao bu yao la i shy" HAHA,

as i will see the nonsense i "say" while "talking to myself in my brain"(aka blogging).

and i guess that's why it was so difficult to accept that my parents were stalking my blog last time!!!!

eeeeeps.

damn awkward sia knowing that they know everything i was feeling.

which explains why i stopped.

and i hope i dont have to stop again.

Fighter

june holidays are here!
and basically there is a whole list of things to keep myself busy.

1. first week gone- lectures etc.
2. class chalet!
3. malacca trip
4. ewf work.
5. study
6. catch up with my baby girls.
7. have fun.
8. have more fun.

SO WATCH OUT PEOPLE SUNSHINE IS COMING BACK TO EWF!
okay actually im not that excited la hahaha.
i know it is gonna be a hell lot different with all the changes so..
not going to expect anything and just gonna earn my money (Y)

i wonder if you still do remember our plans.
i wonder if i should remind you.
i wonder if i should let it go.

Game on

it really really sucks, to be all determined about a specific goal,
and then there has to be this physical barrier which abolish everything your mind has set out to do.

i have been setting aside everything troubling because
i believe in taking it a step at a time and worrying does nothing but create more problems for yourself.

i dont know what the heck is wrong with my freaking brain today,
somehow i kind of opened that mind gate which holds all these nonsense,
and everything came out in a gush and hit me with a pang.

i guess the same logic holds like how the more you try to hold something back,
the more it will bounce back with a greater impact.
it gets damn overwhelming.

with all these said,
i dont seem to recall being in a perfect state for training.
first it was my ankle, then i was like really well for a few trainings before -boom-,
i get injured again -.-
WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BODY. why so weak.
i have been really convinced my injury will heal by next tues(idk why),
and today when i tried to kick,
IT DIDNT GET ANY BETTER I CANT KICK BEYOND 90 DEGREES.

that is bad, really really bad.
my right leg somemore.
so imagine how sad i got about it when i realised i wasnt getting better at all,
in contrary to what i thought.

perhaps this is fate. sigh fate.
if i was in netball, it wouldnt affect me this badly because i can still run and all.
but...oh wells.

-

so!
soccer finals were on wednesday AND WE WON.
YAYYY MJSB BOLEHHHH.
after that went for supper with part of the class.

then hehe miss lai decided to treat all of us to ice cream!
so on thurs there was ice cream i like.
and eren hx and i were eating in econs tutorial.
AND SOME OF MY CLASS PPL ACCUSED ME OF TAKING TWO ICE CREAMS.
HEYYYYY WHAT IS THIS IM NOT THAT GREEDY ):
HAHA.

and today went for floorbal finals.
WE GOT CHAMPION TOO HEHE MJFB BOLEH.
i was like running all over the whole place,
shuffling between sitting with qi an+colette,
and daphne+jj.

jj said seeing me is like watching an animal in the zoo -.-
and he said my mentality is like that of a 4-6 years old.
daphne added on "sigh jx after 5 years you still like that"

jj: " you got eat your medicine anot?"
me: " YES."
jj: " oh then you must have taken the wrong medicine!"

i almost used my umbrella to hit his balls.
DAPHNE WONG GET A HOLD ON YOUR BOY PLEASE.
(youre probably gonna kill me for this HAHAHA)

so two of them ganged up against me and called me a traitor whenever i dont cheer with the others for mj.
but on my side only got me leh!
which equals to being the only loud one cheering and everyone on my side will stare ):

BUT TO PROVE IM NOT A TRAITOR,
I CHEERED SUPER LOUDLY CAUSE ANW,
SINCE WHEN DO I HAVE AN IMAGE? HAHAHA.

and.................. I TURNED BACK TO SEE DAPHNE RECORDING A VIDEO OF ME CHEERING RETARDEDLY.
*smacks forehead*


and otw home they kept reminding me that i was going in the opposite direction of mandai zoo.
i flashed daphne a heart after alighting from the train AHEM (;

anw when i went over to qian+colette there,
me and qi an were having a battle of "GO MJ!" and "GO TJ!" HAHAHA.

so there was this time when it was really quiet and i shouted "GO MJ!",
only to hear my voice echoing throughout the hall back to me,
and everyone stared.
i was like "oops...".

FREAK THIS BUT I MISS YOU DAPHNE + TK+ everything ):
today was funnnnn.
so many things happened too but like i lazy to type + inconvenient to.

some random pictures!

during mjsg finals-

buying snacks for the duration of the match:

so... 12A201 are all camwhores as you can see hehe.

-

in the picture below, joshua was like commenting:

" Wtf are you girls posing with a pineapple?!=.="

and bryant commented:

 "Awkward moment when the pineapple is the most good looking in the picture.."

etc....

there you go: my classmates (Y)

-

mjsb finals!

whoo 12A201's very own soccer champions bryant and kelvin haha.

-

the day when vj+sa people came over for soccer match.

there were quite a few tkgians made me so happy to see them.

HEHE MY BABYGIRL<3

and joy!

when i hugged her, she felt super skinny sia.

think she lost weight even when she is already so skinny.

EAT MORE GIRL.

me and jonan step step badass.

guess the fake and real!

-

anyway we had a vice principal's talk in the hall.
so he was mentioning how he sat in for a lesson and this guy just took out his walkman when the teacher assigned work.

so mr chen was referring to part of the whole talk during geog tutorial
and saying "i bet you guys were thinking of yourselves while he said that right"

then we mentioned that the taking out walkman part was our class HAHA.
and mr chen was like " what the shit..?! i was thinking that maybe for once it is not my class"

HAHAHA.and when we told him who it is he said that guy was the last person he would have expected.
well... my class is full of awesome surprises(;

Stand a little taller

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

got back real late from dinner yesterday with the tk girls.
colette yueshan and maya.
all of us were talking about how difficult it is to adjust.
anyway it was a really comforting moment(:
away from all the politics of mj.

let's just say this:
i am not a school person.
school only ruins me each time.

ewf mended what tk did to me,
and mj is now ruining what ewf mended.
i was never completely happy in school like how i was at work,
and i guess that is because i hated studying.

i dont understand why we have to study,
when in the first place i dont think my career will require that much studying.
plus studying makes you spend money instead of earning money while being happy.

a taxi driver once told me that women spent around the whole of their lives up to around 22/23 years
of their lives studying,
then after that find job and work for a few years alr then get married.
after getting married have children then become housewife in the end.

SO IN SHORT. WE STUDY FOR SO MANY YEARS JUST FOR THAT FEW YEARS OF A CAREER?!
which kind of explains why singapore women are marrying at later ages, to make worth the long years of studying.
now, it is a backwash effect in the end right?

i know many children in rural areas want to obtain an education and all,
and that is why adults here tell us to learn to be contented and feel blessed.
however,
i think it is absolutely beautiful how their pace of life allows many of them to be so genuinely happy.

they may have to go about with the same usual cycle everyday,
they may not have technology, shopping malls or good food etc.
but they take gratitude in the simplest things in life and that in itself is able to make them feel happy.
you dont see them worrying about bitchiness of the judgemental society or anything.

having that said, i still dont think i can survive in the rural areas HAHAHA.
but as the saying goes, we always want to have something we cant have.

-

sometimes it feels like im languishing,
helpless in the continuous attempt to prevent myself from being sucked into the abyss of the past.
i know what it feels like to lose myself.
and there isnt anything to anchor me down at the moment.

but. i wont get defeated.
people in mj are scary, but that doesnt mean i am going to escape anything.
i will face up to these politics bravely and go "screw you" in the face.
YOU THINK YOU ALL GOT THE RIGHT TO JUDGE HUH HUH HUH.
JUDGE YOURSELF FIRST LA.
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYONE UNLESS YOU KNOW THE PERSON WELL ENOUGH.
what goes around comes around, WATCH OUT.

Okay im angsty because i am scared so i try to act all brave but i know in the end im still gonna be scared
HAHAHAHHAHA I AM FREAKING RETARDED.

my birthday (part 2)

*warning: this is going to be an uber long post consisting of 82 pictures HAHAHA.*

my birthday started out jinxed. no kidding.
my close friends either had cramps or was sick.
it was raining crazily.
the mrt train daphne and filz was on broke down at tanah merah-.-

they planned to meet at 430.
BUT AS USUAL HAHAHA we were all late again, so
i picked daphne and filzah up at..5+/6?
our clique always end up meeting one another at 1 or 2 hours AFTER the specified time hehe.
so we ended up eating the barbequed food first.

dont ask me why am i so pale idk!
the first thing daphne said when she saw me was:
*hands touch my face* "WHY ARE YOU SO PALE?!"

went to pick colette and maya up from downstairs.
apparently they over-walked two streets down(which is a rather long distance)
because colette refuses to turn around unless
maya said that she was cool or something-.-

CHUBBY BUNNY.

down.

up.

left.

right. HAHAHA WE DAMN RETARDED.

then i went to pick kristin up from the bus stop opposite parkway east hospital.

she was supposed to stall me while they set my room up and surprise me

SO SHE MADE ME CAMWHORE IN FRONT OF THE PARKWAY EAST HOSPITAL.

NO KIDDING. everyone who drove past were staring at us

cause all our things were on the floor while we camwhored with her dslr -.-

she said she thought the sign was nice so she wanna camwhore there HAHAHAHAHA.

and i believed her. *facepalm



daphne laughed when she saw this.
because no one actually believed kristin used such a method to stall me-.-
i mean...IN FRONT OF THAT SIGN?! HAHAHAH.

so when i reached home i opened the room door, it was dark and...SURPRISE.

they were all inside and they decorated my room with black+white balloons.

I LOVE BLACK AND WIHTE<3 YAY.

kristin kind of overshot her stalling time HAHA so they were camwhoring while waiting for our arrival.
and they discovered that camwhoring in the dark was fun.
SO NOW MY TURN HAHA.

big eyes

small eyes.

then we went up for cake cutting!

two mango cakes haha coincidence!

one from my family the other one from my clique yay.

and this is the first time i have seen colette eat cake.

cause it is mango.

and she bought mango cake cause she likes it HAHAH.

so both cakes were initially filled with candles then after blowing them out half way,

i was like "SHIT I FORGOT TO MAKE MY WISH!"

i damn fail.

<3

HAPPY DAPHNE HAHA.

i cant remember who was it who made me do this-.-

they bought a snout for me too! so i was kind of like...a cat-dog haha.

kristin brought me down to draw whiskers on our faces with her eyeliner.

AND SHE DREW CURLY WEIRD WHISKERS FOR ME.

this is why i never trust her with my make-up.

it was the same at sephora! HAHA.

we went down for some more camwhoring.

#whatgirlsdo

colette commented saying the heart was gonna look damn retarded.

and..there.

she was right HAHAHAHA IT DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE A HEART HAHAHA.

then.. i took kristin's ipad and shamelessly camwhored with it HAHAHA.

the board they gave me!

the first part of their message(at the back) was already:

" you are already 17 so please grow up. stop making weird noises and control your hormones"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

then we went up to play sparklers!

i lighted mine first and then...

*sprayyyyyyy*

i dumped some on filzah hehe.

tangled mess!

sparklers time..

YAY!

daphne's infinity sign finally got captured!

everyone had to go home cause apparently they lied to me that everyone could stayover!

fml.

in the end only kristin could la.

so we sent everyone off alr then we headed over to spc!

so our whole journey to spc was recorded in this freaking bimbotic video we made

HAHAHAHA.

here are the midnight snacks we got:

tub of ben&jerry's , one box of hello panda, two packets of hershey kisses,

two bottles of sparkling passion fruit.

to be truthful it wasnt exactly enough for us both to pigout on throughout the night HAHA.

so we bathed then went to sleep for a while.

we set an alarm for 1+h later on k's phone but ended up waking 1h later than that

because we slept through the alarm vibration HAHA..

i remember thinking in my sleep that the vibration from the alarm was part of my dreams!

then when k shook me awake i opened my eyes then closed them again.

so when she shook me a second time,

i was like "oh shit"

HAHAHAHA.

then we went out to eat our ben&jerry's while talking about/stalking people!

the icecream was goooooddddddd :D

camwhore shots while we were making our second bimbotic video early in the morning.

okay the order abit wrong but below is kristin camwhoring while i was bathing the night before.

me*before going into the toilet*:

" dont open the door ah i wont be locking it cause idk how to unlock it HAHAHA"

kristin: " i will."

*stare from me*

kristin: "okay then can i put a camera inside?"

-.-

MY PRETTY BABY<3

okay after ben&jerry's, we got down to filming three more bimbotic videos,
one of which is a dedication video yayyy.
i told k that she must private all the videos cause it is too bimbotic to make public i cmi. HAHA.
my voice sounds low inside though!

then next we took our artistic shots hehe.

I LIKE THE WATERFALL BRAID<3

kristin made me do this.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I LOOK FREAKING RETARDED!

Up to the poolside.

painting our toenails.

daphne commented saying i look like a pervy trying to get fresh with kris.

HEY THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR WEDDING ALBUM COVER HAHAHAHA.

-

then we lie down on my bed and had a hth.

we evaluated why guys will never fall for us.

HAHAHA.

talked about alot of stuff which felt really good.

but good stuff come to an end quickly and kris had to leave.

so...IT WAS AWESOME AND THANK YOU EVERYONE.

i am finally 17 but nah im still going to be equally retarded.

I REFUSE TO GROW UP WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT HUH HUH HUH.

HAHAHAHAHA.

phew i spent hours on this post now can sleep it is 4am alr! k nights(: