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i can no longer control my feelings. too overwhelming, too stubborn.

mjc open house 2013!

i try to pull back, to resist, i tried everything. i just keep going back in the end. all those too good to be true dreams. the guilty acknowledgement that somehow i hope the dreams become reality. maybe one day i will eventually mix reality and dreams up.

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that's so dumb.

i can't forget.

i just cant.

it haunts me.

like a nightmare i am never going to wake up from.

what do i mean to you then? do you care about me as much?

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sometimes, your words & actions contradicts everything i have believed of you.

this whole first week of school has made me feel as though we have already gone through weeks of it.

maybe because of the long days.

anw now training is getting intensive!

tues, thurs, double on sat and also on sunday.

shall hang in there and try my best.

what makes me so confident? just look at me. nothing.

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look at you. look at me. sometimes it is so near yet so far.

today i saw a mother and her playgroup/k1 child on the train.

they had this super close bond and the little boy was beyond cute (':

his mother was very awesome too.

so i started thinking,

like after all a child's character is developed since young right?

it must take alot, for a mother to be able to raise her child correctly in a fun way,

yet at the same time demanding the required respect.

you can't give the child too little, and definitely not too much too.

there is this thin line you have to balance on,

and a little off to either sides gets overbearing.

it must be hard.

then i thought of everything my mother has tolerated and done for me,

and i felt so apologetic.

it must not be easy.

i think she really makes a really wonderful mother,

i doubt i can ever be as splendid as her...

when i look at you, sometimes i see a stranger. hard to believe all that happened. what was i doing? everything is not like how it sounds. never meant to make a wrong impression. i should stop this wishful thinking.