Stop trying so hard.

today after school lepaked with colette and ys. first at student lounge then we shifted to the library, where they laughed over Ellen Degeneres and i tumblr-ed. i think they kind of chased everyone in the room away HAHAHA.
after ys left for band i watched with colette, and i bet the librarian outside could hear our laughter haha. then went over to the sports gallery to slack and stone.

good old times. just like lower sec whereby we stayed back in school till 6+ doing nothing.
i guess it is the simplicity of something so redundant that actually brings out the greatest happiness. just relaxing, thinking and doing nothing else.

-

somehow someone like you who is so perfect, i never would have expect you to.
haha. not you anyway. and..me? ha.
but as our conversation continues, i realised that you are probably more than what i expected you to be, so much more that i am having second thoughts.
maybe after tonight, your perception of me would have changed, for the better or the worse.. idk.
i guess i was being myself.
plus.. it was stressful, to know you had that many expectations of everything.
which leads me to realise, me and you are people from two different worlds,
i wouldnt be able to do whatever you wanted anyway.
i could try, i really can.
but there is not a 100% guarantee on anything.
and that i dont know you that well. idk whether to believe.
because im flawed, i probably cant accept all your beliefs,
and i also cannot be the goodytwoshoes you wanted.
i will always want to play, experiment, not know what is right for me and learn from trying.
i go with the flow. i live life not the way you live yours.

i am who i am, and i guess i will just have to be contented at the moment.
i will always want someone to love me with that level of intensity, but this is not fate.
however,
i have been a really lucky girl(:
so let us put an end to this chapter.